Thursday, November 29, 2007

SIMPLE HONESTY AND HUMILITY

Some of you who read this might think I'm crazy.  Some of you might be angered by my boldness to express my beief while others might read this and feel that it's meant just for them and exactly what they need to hear today.  It is not my intention to offend anyone or hurt anyone.  I sinply feel that God put it on my heart to share this and, like so many others, exercise my right to state my opinion, beliefs and convictions.  You are invited to read this and to take what you like and leave the rest.  I pray you are blessed.

I am humbled by some of the comments that are left in my journal and I truly mean that.  If it were not for the fact that I know I serve a mighty God, I would have no ability to understand how God can use me, to get his message to others and touch their hearts and encourage them.

I am simply a person, living in this world, dealing with the trails life can bring and needing to have something I can hold onto and believe in.  For me, that something is the Lord and I mean that with all my heart and soul and mind.

I don't have a background of perfect memories of happiness and wealth and status.  I honestly believe that there is not one thing in this life time that is cruel, selfish, hurtful or danaging, that I have not experienced.  There was a time, not too long ago, I was convinced, without a doubt, that for what ever reason, God had turned his back on me and that I had no hope in this life time.  I know now that it was a lie straight from Satan but at the time, I believed it so completely that my choices were the choices of someone who had no hope in being with the Lord one day.

I never completely gave up on God.  I actually still prayed and trusted him because knowing who he is and the power he holds has never been a problem for me.  I just believed that he didn't love me anymore.

Betrayal by others is the tool that Satan used to break me down to nothing.  From my perspective, I was trusting God and praying like I should and I just could not understand how God would allow so many horrible things to happen.  Little by little, I began to sink deep into despair so great that I felt as though I was in a deep black hole I could not get out of.  Eventually, I started thinking of death and how sweet it would be to not have to wake up another day and not feel such tremendous pain.

God never let go of me.  He promises us in his word that he will never leave us nor forsake us.  He sent a friend to me who refused to give up on me.  In all my anger and hurt and despair, my friend continued to love me and stand for me and remain faithful.  After a while, I began to consider the things that were being said to me as more than just good words.  After a while, I felt so frustrated that I purposed in my heart to set out and prove to God that he doesn't love me because his promises did not seem to be for me too.

I started with books by people who have experienced huge sufferings and betrayal in their life and yet, some how, God changed them and now they are powerful men and women of God.  I felt angry and resentful that God cared enough about them to help them and yet I was still suffering. I started reading my Bible again from start to finish.  I used a study Bible that had a lesson for every scripture I read, determined to find something that I could show to God and ask him, why he didn't keep his promise to me.

In the meantime, life was taking a turn for the worse and people I love were leaving my life.  My very own daughter walked away from me as though I never existed but I was determined to find answers in this God of mine.

The pain was tremendous.  I remember very well, days when I was so sorrowful that I thought I would stop breathing.  Broken, confused, angry and hurt, I refused to give up until I could turn to God and confront him on the promises he has broken to me.

One day, I realized that even though my situation was not changing, by all appearances, my outlook was.  My faith was growing, my wisdom was becoming greater, my understanding greater, my confidence restored.

Today, I am not the same person, even though the trials of life continue to come at me.  My hope is in my God who is the only, living, powerful God in this world.  I am no longer controlled by the unfairness of life or the tragedies it brings but my focus is on the Lord and how he see's me and his power and grace to get me through anything.  I finally remember where I came from as a child who trusted the Lord with all her heart.  I see how Satan has robbed me of so much of the word of God and it's power to create a person who lives in confidence and hope and compassion and forgiveness and love.

The scriptures that I grew up believing in have now brought new meaning and purpose and power to my life and I know that there is only one thing in this life that I can truly put my heart and soul and life into, it's God.

I don't kmow the answers to a lot of the questions people ask me.  Why do children suffer, why do people die, why are there poor people and abused people and broken people in this world?  How can a God of love and compassion allow such horrible things?

The only thing I know for certain is that there is one truth, " Good and Evil ."  Ther are only two sources in which to govern our lives by, God or Satan.  We can choose which one we want because God loves us so much, he gives us free will.

The Lord is not a puppet master who strings us along and drops us and then laughs at us.  The Lord is powerful and perfect in all things and he longs to have a relationship with us.  We can only serve one master.  It is not for men to tell us who we are or what we are doing wrong but it's the Lord's right.  Everything we need to know to get through this life and live with a joyful heart is in the word of God.  It has been my experience that I have to take responsibility to know who God is, what he wants for me and how he see's me.  I have to trust him no matter how things seem and purpose in my heart to search him and know him and understand he is God.

Today, even though I still face great sorrow, my everything is in the hands of God and if there is something that is not blessed by God, then I don't want it in my life.  His grace and compassion and love is enough to get me through the many trials and heartbreaks and sufferings that this life can bring.

This world has gone crazy.  Even a person who does not believe in God or has no relationship with God, can see the wickedness and evil behaviors of men.  We allow great sin in our lives and to govern our world because even the smallest of sin has the power to become huge and over whelming, when we choose bad over good.

People fighting to take God out of our country, out of our schools, out of our money and our government buildings.  We think that one little change will not hurt anything but that is the very concept that has brought our country to where it is today.

Our children are suffering because Satan hates our children.  People are suffering because in their weariness over their children, they turn to alcohol and drugs and sex and allow Satan to enter into their lives, thoughts, beliefs.

There is only one true and living God and he does reign.  I know that this is a powerful message to put where anyone can read but this is my truth and God's truth and the very reason why our world is crashing down around us.

I know and have experienced the power of God to change my thoughts and my life and my purpose.  Because of God I now have a purpose and it is to let my light so shine before men that God can use me to bring hope to the hopeless.

If I have offended you by my entry, you most certainly have the right to not return to my journal but I will still pray for you.  I, of my own accord am no one but because of God, I am someone to him. He knitted me together in my mothers womb.  He knows every hair of my head and he catches every tear I cry in a jar. He holds the power to lift me up and restore my life and my joy and my hearts desire.  My only requirement is to chooseh him and seek him with all my heart and mind and soul.

If this is something that you are searching for, I encourage you to know the Lord and to submit your life to him and to be blessed by the power of God to change your life and make you whole again.  I will pray for you as I pray for myself every single day.

Lord, I pray you will bless the person who is reading this.  I pray that you guide every single word I write and every single motive I have.  I pray for the preson who is lost and hurting and hopeless that you will make yourself known to them and show them the power that only you have, to create in them, a new song.  I pray that you keep me humble, continue to guide me and direct my path and that you Lord, you will recieve the glory and honor and praise for anything and everything, you put on my heart to share.

As for me and my house, I will serve you Lord with gratitude and thanksgiving that in this world of pain and suffering, you and you alone have the power to get me through each day, thankful, hopeful, blessed, encouraged and obedient to you.

God bless and keep you and make his face to shine upon you.  You say in your word Lord, we will know the truth and the truth will set us free.  My hope is in you Lord and I pray that anyone who reads this and feels encouraged will have a desire to know you better and have a relationship with you.  To you, I give all the glory and praise you that even someone like me, can be used by you to help another person.

 

Most humbly

 

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

THE PEACE THAT PASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING

How many of us have trials in our lives and live with all the emotions that come from those trials?  How many of us are facing things that just seem to floor us and we feel like we can't take another step or face another heart break?  How many of us know that there is a peace that only God can give us that will gaurd our hearts and minds?

John 14:37 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.  Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

This is given to us by the very word of Jesus.  He is talking about the peace with God in the covenant relationship.  The word denotes the inner poise and tranquility of the Christian believer, who because he knows God's grace through Christ and is assured of God's continued care, meets even the hardest experiences of life with unbroken joy and quiet trust.

You might say to yourself that I don't understand what you are going through and how in the world can you have peace in your heart when so many horrible things are going on?  I tell you that the peace is not because everything is going right.  The peace spoken of here is from knowing with confidence that no matter what you are facing, God understands and he loves you and you can count on him like no other you will ever know.  I know that because I too have my own set of problems but I stay focused on God's word and promises and I know that he is with me and he is for me and I trust him with all my heart and soul and mind.

Phillipians 4:4 - 7  Rejoice in the Lord alwaysL and again I say, Rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known unto God.  And the peace of God that passes all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

I know that there are many out there suffering.  I know that death and sickness and finances and loved ones and hardships are affecting everyone around me and me.  I also know that when I need an answer, courage, something I can believe in and hold onto, I turn to the world of God because I know tht I can always count on him.  His word is a solid rock, the only thing you can count on and believe in with all your heart.

I just wanted to share this with those who might need some encouragement and something to hold onto, I know there are many.  I just want to say that there is hope and there is peace and there is a hero that is just waiting for you to come to him.  You won't find it in this world or in drugs or alcohol or sex.  The only place you will find it is in the Lord.  No matter what happens in my life, I will not be moved, I will not stop believing and I will not let go. You feel you can't go on, when you are weak, he is strong.  Cast your cares upon him and let him fill your heart with his peace.

 

God bless you.  I'm praying for you.  If you are troubled, hurt, lost, what ever your problem and even though we will never meet.  I'm praying for you and God loves you.

 

Thursday, November 22, 2007

GIVNG THANKS WITH A GRATEFUL HEART

As I woke today, I opened my eyes and the first thing on my mind was God, as the challenges of this day began to cover my thoughts.  I thought of my daughter and that she would not be with me today, and how that hurts my heart ( counting on God ).  I began to pray and thank God for all of his blessings because I know that if it were not for him, I would have no hope today. I thought of all the people who are hurting today because of the loss of their loved one, sickness, financial difficulties, trials and despair.  Not everyone is looking to this day with grand anticipation of the arrival of their loved ones or even of having enough to eat, little lone a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner.

Isaiah 40:31  They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint, teach me to wait oh Lord.

thank you Sugar girl for the graphic.

This scripture, like so many, is especially meaningful to me.  I know what it's like to look at the way things appear and feel and be so discouraged that I don't even want to wake up another day, little lone keep breathing enough to face it.  What I have found through my many trials and struggles is that when I do purpose in my heart to trust the Lord and wait on him, he is ever so faithful to keep his promise to me and give me the grace and the strength to get through another day.

1 Corinthians 15: 57 But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Victory does not mean that everything works out like we hope it does.  Victory means that we can find peace and comforting in trusting the Lord with all our hearts and souls and minds and find comfort in trusting that he knows what is best for us and loves us enough to give it to us, even when we don't understand.

I am thankful for the trials in my life because through them, I have learned great lessons that continue to help me grow and be a better person but also, to help others who are suffering and don't know the hope that is in Jesus.  Though the lessons have sometimes been so huge that I felt for certain I would break from the weight, God has ever been so faithful to love me and hold me through them all.

 

Some people look at me and they think to themselves that I must not be bothered by the things that are happening in my life.  Others look at me and see such faith and courage in me and are encouraged while others, don't even care enough to bother themselves.

I have learned to not look at how people view me.  My only concern is how God see's me and what he wants for me.  I pray each day that by his grace and mercy, I can keep my eyes focused on him, not go on appearances and just trust him no matter what. I purpose in my heart to trust his word and claim his promises to me.

Proverbs 3: 5  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path.

That says it all for me.  That is just enough promise for me to want to trust him and look to all the other promises that he gives me to help me follow him.  Over a thousand promises for every circumstance we can face.

So, today, no matter what it is that I am facing, I have so much to be thankful for still.  I will not let the enemy rob me of my joy that is from God.  I will not let life's trials take away my peace.  Today, I am thankful for ..

The Lord whom I could not get through one single momement in a day without.

My children who are healthy, and alive, no matter where they are.

My hope in knowing that God has his hands on them, even when I can't see.

All my food and home and warmth and job and basicneeds that are met.

The trials I have been through this year thathave taught me and drawn  me closer to him.

The lesson that life is not about just me and there are many around me who are suffering too.

The people God sent to me, through this box, who didn't give up on me and loved me through the worst time in my life.  Just to mention a few, Tammy, my beloved and best friend.  Barbara P, Barbara S, Sugar girl, Sassy, Trish and even the ones that were there and I can't remember your names.  I am so thankful for your agape love for me.

As for the issues we all face today and everyday, I pray that God will help you cast your cares upon him because he does care for you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, God knows what he is doing and he does know his plans for you that are for good and not evil and he does love you.

Happy Thanksgiving from my family to yours.  May the peace that passes all understanding be with you to carry you through and guard your hearts and minds. I pray for those who do not know you, that they will find you.  I pray for those who are alone, afraid, hungry, cold, hurting and suffering.  Be with each of these people and comfort them and meet their needs according to your will.  Amen

 

HE LIVES

Hebrews 13: 8 Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and today, and for ever.

 

 

Friday, November 16, 2007

THANKSGIVING

 

THE SEASON OF THANKSGIVING IS UPON US AGAIN.  AS I WATCH FROM A DISTANCE, I SEE THE WORLD IN A HURRY TO BUY THE BEST MEALS AND BRING THEIR FAMILIES TOGETHER AND SPEND TIME TOGETHER.

I FIND MYSELF CURLING UP WITH THE LORD AND CLINGING EVER SO TIGHTLY TO HIS WORD AND HIS PROMISES.  I PRAISE HIM FOR ALL THAT I HAVE AND ALL THAT HE IS DOING IN MY LIFE AND I AM HOPEFUL BECAUSE I DO COUNT ON HIS PROMISES.

THIS WILL BE MY FIRST THANKSGIVING WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER AND I AM SO SAD INSIDE.  NOT BECAUSE I DON'T BELIEVE THAT GOD CAN DO MIRACLES, NOT BECAUSE HE ISN'T WITH ME BUT BECAUSE, SELFISHLY, I MISS MY DAUGHTER MORE THAN I CAN SAY AND THIS IS THE VERY KIND OF THING THAT PENETRATES EVEN THE BEST OF HOPE AND REMINDS ME OF WHAT I AM MISSING TODAY.

I HAVE DECIDED TO DO AS MUCH AS I CAN THIS YEAR TO HELP SOMEONE ELSE.  I ALREADY BOUGHT A TURKEY AND COOKED IT AND TOOK IT TO THE CHURCH TO FEED THE HOMELESS THIS SATURDAY.  THAT IS OUR MINISTRY IN OUR CHURCH AND I ENJOY IT SO MUCH.

PEOPLE LOOK AT ME AND THINK BECAUSE IT'S BEEN OVER NINE MONTHS SINCE EMILY LEFT AND I AM NOT STRUGGLING ON A DAILY BASIS JUST TO BE ABLE TO BREATHE THROUGH THE PAIN, THAT I AM OK AND OVER IT ALL.  I WILL NEVER GET OVER HER BEING GONE, WILL NEVER STOP HOPING OR PRAYING OR MISSING HER.

BY THE GRACE OF GOD, WE GET THROUGH HARD TIMES IN OUR LIVES AND HE TURNS IT ALL INTO GOOD THINGS.  I REALIZE NOW THAT IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT ME BUT THAT THERE ARE SO MANY OTHERS WHO GO THROUGH THE SAME KINDS OF THINGS AS ME AND DON'T HAVE THE LORD TO HELP THEM THROUGH IT.

I HOPE AND PRAY THAT THIS THANKSGIVING SEASON, YOU WILL REMEMBER THAT IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU.  I PRAY THAT YOU WILL INVITE A FRIEND WITHOUT A FAMILY TO JOIN YOU.  I PRAY THAT, LIKE THE PILGRIMS, YOU CAN COME TOGETHER WITH OTHERS AND SHARE WHAT YOU HAVE AND HAVE A GRAND FEAST.

WHEN IT'S ALL SAID AND DONE AND ALL THE LEFT OVERS ARE SITTING ON YOUR TABLE, I PRAY THAT YOU CAN LOOK INTO YOUR HEARTS AND KNOW THAT YOU DO LOVE OTHERS AS YOURSELF AND THAT YOU ARE TRULY BLESSED WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU CARE ABOUT THOSE LESS FORTUNATE.

AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE, WE WILL SERVE THE LORD WITH ALL OUR HEARTS AND SOULS AND MINDS.

                       HAPPY THANKSGIVING

 

Emily, I miss you and pray you have a wonderful Thanksgiving this year.  I will be thinking about you.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

FRIENDSHIP

Twoyoungangels.jpg image by slimhawk

 

Sometimes people come into your life and with no hidden agenda of their own, leave profound footprints on your heart.  It's rare to truly experience what it feels like to be genuinely loved by someone who is always there for you, but it happens.

I'm dedicating this page to my dear friend Tammy.  We had made plans to be together in Albuquerque this year for the balloon festival and to celebrate our birthdays but we weren't able to keep our plans.  I didn't go but had a friend take pictures for me. So, from my heart to yours Tammy, this is for you.

They come from all over the world with their balloons, one week out of the year, to create yet another wonderful, magical week of fun filled color and breath taking excitement for all to see.  Each day is a different experience with the mass essention, special shapes, balloon glows and many more.

Mass Essention - Just look at them all.  The colors and magic of hundreds of balloons, above your heard!!!!!!!!!!

 

Up, up and away they go.  Imagine that you are in one of these incredible balloons, flying above the city below you.

Special shapes take to the sky and thrill the crowd with their splendor. Don't take my word for it but if you look up, I think you'll see a Panda bear, smiling down at you.

 

 

Oh, and look over their, I think it's DarthVader. Making his way across the sky.

Oh and over there, look, could that really be a giant mug of beer?

Finally, in the evening when it's all said and done, everyone comes together for the spectacular balloon glow.

 

The beauty is breath taking and each moment brings on a whole new show.

 

The power behind the balloons.

I love you Tammy and I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed doing it for you.  We are friends and that is a given.  No matter what life brings our way, the power of our friendship will see us through.

No greater friend hath any man than he lay down his life for his friend.  I'm here for you always.