Sunday, December 23, 2007

MERRY CHRISTMAS

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS

It's Christmas all over the world.  People running here and there, buying gifts, decorating and cooking and busy with all the rush of the season.  Yet, there are millions out there with no joy in their hearts because they have lost the true meaning of Christmas and their joy depends on things that are not of the original meaning of Christmas.

Imagine, having a birthday party for someone and not inviting them?  It sounds ridiculous but that is what many of us do at Christmas time because a huge part of the world does not recognize the reason for Christmas, The Birth of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

I felt it all through this Christmas season.  Was told that I could not say, " Merry Christmas", at work.  For me, it was completely unacceptable and I was willing to loose my job over it.  At some point, we must take a stand in what we believe in and stand up for it.  I am a Christian and I am proud of being a Christian and I know that if it were not for the birth of Jesus, I would have no hope in my life today.

Over two thousand years ago, a Savior was born in Bethlehem.  A quiet and pure peasant girl, chosen by God, to give birth to our savior.  Imagine what it must have been like for her to find that she was going to conceive a child when she never had intimate relations with her bethroved, Joseph.  Imagine the ridicule and cruelty that she must have endured to carry out God's will for her and to have this child.  Joseph wanted to put her away but the angel of God spoke to him and told him that she had not done anything to be ashamed of and that she was only the vessel God chose to use to bring his son into the world.

How the people must have mocked and scorned them and judged them.  The King, Herod, was beside himself to discover that a king had been born and that one day, he would be the one people worshiped and bowed down too.  He sent his wise men to where the child was, to see what was going on.  The wise men followed a star in the east until it stopped, right above where the Savior laied in the manger. 

 

 

As soon as they saw the baby Jesus, they gave him gifts and praised him.  The angel of the Lord spoke to them and told them not to return to their town by the way in which they came because the King would do them harm.

 

 

A Savior, Christ the Lord, born to an earthly woman, by the conception of the holy spirit.  Un imaginable circumstances but because of Mary's obedience, the miracle of the birth of our Savior is a reality today.

How many times do we face circumstances that seem impossible by all appearances and become too afraid to face them?  How many times, I wonder, do we miss huge blessings from God because of our fear?

I know that there are many hurting this year and are weary and broken but the good news is that nothing is impossible with the Lord.  I pray this Christmas that each and everyone who reads this will know the true meaning of Christmas and find the peace and joy that comes from this miracle from God.

It's not about the gifts and the tree and the money, it's about the birth of our very hope and confidence in knowing who we belong too and what that means for us. I put up a tree with just lights on it this year, no presents.  My gift, my Christmas miracle is that my daughter is safe and warm and home with me.  I know that if it were not for my Savior, this would never have happened and I give him all the glory and honor for being so faithful.  This year, my gift is that my family is together again and I know with certainty that God is not finished and that his plan for us is for good and not evil.  Praise the Lord, our Savior lives.

Merry Christmas to each and everyone of you. May the miracle of Christmas be in your heart and minds and bring your great tidings of joy.  For unto us this day is born, a Savior, Christ the Lord.

 

Friday, December 14, 2007

PRAISE REPORT

It was December 7, 2007 at about 5:03 pm, 308 days, ten months and 4 days after my daughter left home, my cell phone rang and it was the voice of my daughter on the other end.  At first I thought it wasn't real, all I could hear was hysterical crying. I couldn't make out the words and so I asked, who it was??  On the other end, the voice said, " it's your daughter.  I can't even tell you what went through my mind because in an instant, I asked her, where are you, I'll come get you.

As I drove over to her house, I was praying and thanking God and focused on what God would have me say or do.  When I got to her apartment, the door was open and there she was, sitting on the floor,  crying her heart out.  The first words she said to me were, " mommy, I'm so sorry.  I wrapped my arms around her and held her and just kept focused on God and held her.

Today, it's been a week since she has been home and I am so thankful that she is some place safe.  The one thing I keep realizing is that through this whole time, I have not let go of God.  Those of you who read my journal know how much I have grown through this whole thing.  I went back and read my entries from way back when she left and it's the evidence I have that God has been my rock and my refuge through this whole thing.  I am so thankful for him and for the first time in my life, I have actually learned to trust the Lord with all my heart no matter what happens.

My children are both home now.  In a matter of seven days, both of them have come home.  The first night that my daughter was back, I remember laying in bed and thinking, as wonderful as it is to have her some place safe, nothing comes close to how it feels to know what an awesome God I have.  One that never leaves us nor forsakes us, no matter what.

There was a time when I only knew how to praise God in the good times.  Today I realize that I have learned to praise him every single day because of who he is.  I've learned that even in the worst of times, we must always keep our eyes focused on him and trust him with all our hearts.  I've learned that he is my best friend and nothing compares to him.  He is my best friend and my everything and no matter what happens, I trust him.

I don't know what is going to happen.  I asked the Lord to take her away from the people who were hurting her so much and restore our relationship and he chose to bring her home.  I feel so sad that she has had to go through so much suffering but I am also praising God that he kept her safe and watched over her when I couldn't.

My prayer is that God continue to work his will in this situation.  I pray that he continues to give me wisdom, love, patience and peace through this healing process for both of us.  Last night, there was a situation and she lost control and just started screaming and wanting to break things.  I was amazed at how God kept me calm and held my tongue so that I didn't say anything damaging.  I simply told her that it was not ok for her to behave the way she was and that if she could not control herself, she needed to go for a walk or get away till she calmed down. The next thing I knew, she was leaving, screaming she hated me and out the door.

After a little while, she called me to tell me she was safe and she would be home later. I went to bed and then to work today and we didn't speak again.  When I came home for lunch today, she came home a few minutes later and came over to me and cried and told me how sorry she was. That's a huge change in her.  God is working.

The power of God to restore people is amazing to me.  What he is doing in me, in my children and in our lives is so powerful.  Things have not gone as quickly as I had hoped they would but I knew the whole time, God was in control.If my hope was in the situation or the people that are involved, I would be afraid and anxious but my hope is in the Lord.  No matter what happens, I know he is in control. I am so thankful for those of you who have read my journal and gone all this way with me and prayed and been there for me.  I hope and pray that God can use this situation and how I have reacted to it, to encourage another heart and give hope to the hopeless.

Six days ago, I had absolutely no clue that my daughter would come home.  Still, I felt the same peace that I do today with her here.  The reason is because my focus is on the Lord.

Your prayers are still needed because the healing process will take a lot of time but I am confident that he is faithful to finish the good work he has begun because his word tells us he is.

I pray for anyone who is reading this and in a situation where they feel hopeless because that is not from God, it's from the enemy. He wants to beat us down and make us give up because he knows that if we have faith, the size of a grain of mustard seed, we can move mountains.  Never give up, never stop praying and never stop seeking God's will in all things and the peace that passes understanding will keep you through it all.  God bless.  Thank you for all of your prayers.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

REMEMBERING WHO'S WE ARE IN HIM

How many times has the enemy tripped us up and caused such tremendous, huge sufferings in our hearts, we loose our focus and open our hearts to the flesh?  The enemy whispers a lie in our ear and then places his evidence before us and before we know it, we become so focused on the negative, we loose our footing before the Lord.

I know this from personal experience.  Sometimes I have to seek the Lord's help minute by minute to not hate the people who have had and have such a negative influence on my daughters life. 

I can't tell you how much that grieves my heart and crushes my spirit.  I want to shout from the mountain tops, NO, STOP, PLEASE JUST COME HOME.  I can't do any of those things and even if I could, it would do no good because my daughter is lost and confused and believes with all her heart, she has found love.

It's amazing how the holy spirit brings knowledge to me about her.  I use to resent it because my thought was that I was being tortured by the very God I serve and love.  I purposed in my heart to find out where God was in all of this, how it could be happening, why he wasn't saving her. The only true thing that I know is that through all of this, patience has it's perfect work.  Through all these things, I see that I have yet to arrive and God still has to break me and get me even more focused on him and build my faith.  So many great things that God is doing in such a tragic situation.

Sometimes I think it would be wonderful if we just came equipped with all the faith and focus and trust in God that we need.  Never having to experience suffering or pain or anguish.  That's when it hits me and I realize that if life were that simple, how could our character be built?  How could our faith be strengthened but most of all, what need would we have of God?

There are two laws that govern our world, good and evil.  The scripture tells us that we can serve only one master, light or darkness, good or evil.  The world wants to take that simple truth and turn it into some kind of huge complicated mystery but really it's not that difficult.  We know right from wrong as small children and as we grow and life brings it's circumstances into each step we take, the challenges become more difficult in what we choose but the truth remains the same.

I use to question how in the world can I possibly find joy in my heart when I face such a heart break every day of my life?  Oh, the circumstances are different for each of us because Satan knows the weaknesses of our individual hearts.  Still, we can all have joy because of the mighty God that we serve and his power to save and to protect and to teach and to guide each of us.  We serve an awesome God.

Just today at church, I went in wondering how I could sing and be happy when I feel such a heavy burden for my daughter. Sometimes my heart grows so weary from the pain I feel over my child, I have to just shut down and curl up with the Lord and remember that it's because of him I breathe.  People kept telling me how sweet and loving I am but in my heart, I felt the anger I struggle with over the people who are hurting my daughter.

Lord, I have a reason to be angry and Lord, the pain is real and Lord, it takes my breath away.  God ever so gently reminded me that he understands, he see's and he is working but I must not allow even one tiny seed of anger or bitterness to grow in my heart.

How many times do we find ourselves questioning what is happening in our lives?  How many times do we find it easy to praise God for the easy goodness we see and yet shake our fists at him over the difficult times we face, believing the lies of the enemy that God doesn't love us or find favor in us because we are struggling.

My little girl has been gone 300 days this past Friday.  People seem to think it's amazing that I know that and I find it hard to understand because this is my beloved child that is gone.  Only God see's the struggle that I face each day because I do purpose in my heart to let my light shine and trust God.

I would be so happy if today was the day that she decided to come home.  I would be so relieved to not have to worryabout what someone mighty ask her to do in the name of love.  Oh how I would love to just slap those people and boldly rise up against them but it would not change a thing for the better if it's not God's perfect timing for her.  I would loose my testimony and favor in God's sight and I would be no better than they are.

I pray for her every single day.  Sometimes I wake up in the wee hours of the morning and pray for her because she is so much on my heart.  The world thinks I have over come and gotten over and put behind me that my daughter is gone but God knows.

Love bears all things, is patient, kind, never selfish or demands it's own way.  Love is long suffering, never boastful, jealous or cruel.

Sometimes, I just have to allow myself to think about everything so I can remind myself that I am very deeply effected by all of this but the power of God and his grace for me is sufficient for me and gives me that peace that passes understanding.  Reminds me of how powerful God is.

I pray that those of you who read this and are suffering for one reason or another, will find the love and comfort and strength of our Lord Jesus Christ.  I pray that you can be encouraged to know that there is a power greater than anything anywhere and it's the power of God.  He loves you and cares for you and he waits for you to call on him.

As for my daughter, who really isn't a little girl but she will always be my baby ........  I pray for you faithfully, believing with all my heart that you are not where God wants you to be and he will bring you home to him.  His power and glory and perfect plan for you is in the works and he will not stop until you are with him.  I stand in the gap and no matter how long it takes, I will never give up.  I plead the blood of Jesus over you and place a hedge of protection over you in the name of Jesus and I am confident that God will have his perfect will for you.

 

God will never leave you nor forsake you.  Our hope is in HIM.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

SIMPLE HONESTY AND HUMILITY

Some of you who read this might think I'm crazy.  Some of you might be angered by my boldness to express my beief while others might read this and feel that it's meant just for them and exactly what they need to hear today.  It is not my intention to offend anyone or hurt anyone.  I sinply feel that God put it on my heart to share this and, like so many others, exercise my right to state my opinion, beliefs and convictions.  You are invited to read this and to take what you like and leave the rest.  I pray you are blessed.

I am humbled by some of the comments that are left in my journal and I truly mean that.  If it were not for the fact that I know I serve a mighty God, I would have no ability to understand how God can use me, to get his message to others and touch their hearts and encourage them.

I am simply a person, living in this world, dealing with the trails life can bring and needing to have something I can hold onto and believe in.  For me, that something is the Lord and I mean that with all my heart and soul and mind.

I don't have a background of perfect memories of happiness and wealth and status.  I honestly believe that there is not one thing in this life time that is cruel, selfish, hurtful or danaging, that I have not experienced.  There was a time, not too long ago, I was convinced, without a doubt, that for what ever reason, God had turned his back on me and that I had no hope in this life time.  I know now that it was a lie straight from Satan but at the time, I believed it so completely that my choices were the choices of someone who had no hope in being with the Lord one day.

I never completely gave up on God.  I actually still prayed and trusted him because knowing who he is and the power he holds has never been a problem for me.  I just believed that he didn't love me anymore.

Betrayal by others is the tool that Satan used to break me down to nothing.  From my perspective, I was trusting God and praying like I should and I just could not understand how God would allow so many horrible things to happen.  Little by little, I began to sink deep into despair so great that I felt as though I was in a deep black hole I could not get out of.  Eventually, I started thinking of death and how sweet it would be to not have to wake up another day and not feel such tremendous pain.

God never let go of me.  He promises us in his word that he will never leave us nor forsake us.  He sent a friend to me who refused to give up on me.  In all my anger and hurt and despair, my friend continued to love me and stand for me and remain faithful.  After a while, I began to consider the things that were being said to me as more than just good words.  After a while, I felt so frustrated that I purposed in my heart to set out and prove to God that he doesn't love me because his promises did not seem to be for me too.

I started with books by people who have experienced huge sufferings and betrayal in their life and yet, some how, God changed them and now they are powerful men and women of God.  I felt angry and resentful that God cared enough about them to help them and yet I was still suffering. I started reading my Bible again from start to finish.  I used a study Bible that had a lesson for every scripture I read, determined to find something that I could show to God and ask him, why he didn't keep his promise to me.

In the meantime, life was taking a turn for the worse and people I love were leaving my life.  My very own daughter walked away from me as though I never existed but I was determined to find answers in this God of mine.

The pain was tremendous.  I remember very well, days when I was so sorrowful that I thought I would stop breathing.  Broken, confused, angry and hurt, I refused to give up until I could turn to God and confront him on the promises he has broken to me.

One day, I realized that even though my situation was not changing, by all appearances, my outlook was.  My faith was growing, my wisdom was becoming greater, my understanding greater, my confidence restored.

Today, I am not the same person, even though the trials of life continue to come at me.  My hope is in my God who is the only, living, powerful God in this world.  I am no longer controlled by the unfairness of life or the tragedies it brings but my focus is on the Lord and how he see's me and his power and grace to get me through anything.  I finally remember where I came from as a child who trusted the Lord with all her heart.  I see how Satan has robbed me of so much of the word of God and it's power to create a person who lives in confidence and hope and compassion and forgiveness and love.

The scriptures that I grew up believing in have now brought new meaning and purpose and power to my life and I know that there is only one thing in this life that I can truly put my heart and soul and life into, it's God.

I don't kmow the answers to a lot of the questions people ask me.  Why do children suffer, why do people die, why are there poor people and abused people and broken people in this world?  How can a God of love and compassion allow such horrible things?

The only thing I know for certain is that there is one truth, " Good and Evil ."  Ther are only two sources in which to govern our lives by, God or Satan.  We can choose which one we want because God loves us so much, he gives us free will.

The Lord is not a puppet master who strings us along and drops us and then laughs at us.  The Lord is powerful and perfect in all things and he longs to have a relationship with us.  We can only serve one master.  It is not for men to tell us who we are or what we are doing wrong but it's the Lord's right.  Everything we need to know to get through this life and live with a joyful heart is in the word of God.  It has been my experience that I have to take responsibility to know who God is, what he wants for me and how he see's me.  I have to trust him no matter how things seem and purpose in my heart to search him and know him and understand he is God.

Today, even though I still face great sorrow, my everything is in the hands of God and if there is something that is not blessed by God, then I don't want it in my life.  His grace and compassion and love is enough to get me through the many trials and heartbreaks and sufferings that this life can bring.

This world has gone crazy.  Even a person who does not believe in God or has no relationship with God, can see the wickedness and evil behaviors of men.  We allow great sin in our lives and to govern our world because even the smallest of sin has the power to become huge and over whelming, when we choose bad over good.

People fighting to take God out of our country, out of our schools, out of our money and our government buildings.  We think that one little change will not hurt anything but that is the very concept that has brought our country to where it is today.

Our children are suffering because Satan hates our children.  People are suffering because in their weariness over their children, they turn to alcohol and drugs and sex and allow Satan to enter into their lives, thoughts, beliefs.

There is only one true and living God and he does reign.  I know that this is a powerful message to put where anyone can read but this is my truth and God's truth and the very reason why our world is crashing down around us.

I know and have experienced the power of God to change my thoughts and my life and my purpose.  Because of God I now have a purpose and it is to let my light so shine before men that God can use me to bring hope to the hopeless.

If I have offended you by my entry, you most certainly have the right to not return to my journal but I will still pray for you.  I, of my own accord am no one but because of God, I am someone to him. He knitted me together in my mothers womb.  He knows every hair of my head and he catches every tear I cry in a jar. He holds the power to lift me up and restore my life and my joy and my hearts desire.  My only requirement is to chooseh him and seek him with all my heart and mind and soul.

If this is something that you are searching for, I encourage you to know the Lord and to submit your life to him and to be blessed by the power of God to change your life and make you whole again.  I will pray for you as I pray for myself every single day.

Lord, I pray you will bless the person who is reading this.  I pray that you guide every single word I write and every single motive I have.  I pray for the preson who is lost and hurting and hopeless that you will make yourself known to them and show them the power that only you have, to create in them, a new song.  I pray that you keep me humble, continue to guide me and direct my path and that you Lord, you will recieve the glory and honor and praise for anything and everything, you put on my heart to share.

As for me and my house, I will serve you Lord with gratitude and thanksgiving that in this world of pain and suffering, you and you alone have the power to get me through each day, thankful, hopeful, blessed, encouraged and obedient to you.

God bless and keep you and make his face to shine upon you.  You say in your word Lord, we will know the truth and the truth will set us free.  My hope is in you Lord and I pray that anyone who reads this and feels encouraged will have a desire to know you better and have a relationship with you.  To you, I give all the glory and praise you that even someone like me, can be used by you to help another person.

 

Most humbly

 

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

THE PEACE THAT PASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING

How many of us have trials in our lives and live with all the emotions that come from those trials?  How many of us are facing things that just seem to floor us and we feel like we can't take another step or face another heart break?  How many of us know that there is a peace that only God can give us that will gaurd our hearts and minds?

John 14:37 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.  Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

This is given to us by the very word of Jesus.  He is talking about the peace with God in the covenant relationship.  The word denotes the inner poise and tranquility of the Christian believer, who because he knows God's grace through Christ and is assured of God's continued care, meets even the hardest experiences of life with unbroken joy and quiet trust.

You might say to yourself that I don't understand what you are going through and how in the world can you have peace in your heart when so many horrible things are going on?  I tell you that the peace is not because everything is going right.  The peace spoken of here is from knowing with confidence that no matter what you are facing, God understands and he loves you and you can count on him like no other you will ever know.  I know that because I too have my own set of problems but I stay focused on God's word and promises and I know that he is with me and he is for me and I trust him with all my heart and soul and mind.

Phillipians 4:4 - 7  Rejoice in the Lord alwaysL and again I say, Rejoice. Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known unto God.  And the peace of God that passes all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

I know that there are many out there suffering.  I know that death and sickness and finances and loved ones and hardships are affecting everyone around me and me.  I also know that when I need an answer, courage, something I can believe in and hold onto, I turn to the world of God because I know tht I can always count on him.  His word is a solid rock, the only thing you can count on and believe in with all your heart.

I just wanted to share this with those who might need some encouragement and something to hold onto, I know there are many.  I just want to say that there is hope and there is peace and there is a hero that is just waiting for you to come to him.  You won't find it in this world or in drugs or alcohol or sex.  The only place you will find it is in the Lord.  No matter what happens in my life, I will not be moved, I will not stop believing and I will not let go. You feel you can't go on, when you are weak, he is strong.  Cast your cares upon him and let him fill your heart with his peace.

 

God bless you.  I'm praying for you.  If you are troubled, hurt, lost, what ever your problem and even though we will never meet.  I'm praying for you and God loves you.

 

Thursday, November 22, 2007

GIVNG THANKS WITH A GRATEFUL HEART

As I woke today, I opened my eyes and the first thing on my mind was God, as the challenges of this day began to cover my thoughts.  I thought of my daughter and that she would not be with me today, and how that hurts my heart ( counting on God ).  I began to pray and thank God for all of his blessings because I know that if it were not for him, I would have no hope today. I thought of all the people who are hurting today because of the loss of their loved one, sickness, financial difficulties, trials and despair.  Not everyone is looking to this day with grand anticipation of the arrival of their loved ones or even of having enough to eat, little lone a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner.

Isaiah 40:31  They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint, teach me to wait oh Lord.

thank you Sugar girl for the graphic.

This scripture, like so many, is especially meaningful to me.  I know what it's like to look at the way things appear and feel and be so discouraged that I don't even want to wake up another day, little lone keep breathing enough to face it.  What I have found through my many trials and struggles is that when I do purpose in my heart to trust the Lord and wait on him, he is ever so faithful to keep his promise to me and give me the grace and the strength to get through another day.

1 Corinthians 15: 57 But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Victory does not mean that everything works out like we hope it does.  Victory means that we can find peace and comforting in trusting the Lord with all our hearts and souls and minds and find comfort in trusting that he knows what is best for us and loves us enough to give it to us, even when we don't understand.

I am thankful for the trials in my life because through them, I have learned great lessons that continue to help me grow and be a better person but also, to help others who are suffering and don't know the hope that is in Jesus.  Though the lessons have sometimes been so huge that I felt for certain I would break from the weight, God has ever been so faithful to love me and hold me through them all.

 

Some people look at me and they think to themselves that I must not be bothered by the things that are happening in my life.  Others look at me and see such faith and courage in me and are encouraged while others, don't even care enough to bother themselves.

I have learned to not look at how people view me.  My only concern is how God see's me and what he wants for me.  I pray each day that by his grace and mercy, I can keep my eyes focused on him, not go on appearances and just trust him no matter what. I purpose in my heart to trust his word and claim his promises to me.

Proverbs 3: 5  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path.

That says it all for me.  That is just enough promise for me to want to trust him and look to all the other promises that he gives me to help me follow him.  Over a thousand promises for every circumstance we can face.

So, today, no matter what it is that I am facing, I have so much to be thankful for still.  I will not let the enemy rob me of my joy that is from God.  I will not let life's trials take away my peace.  Today, I am thankful for ..

The Lord whom I could not get through one single momement in a day without.

My children who are healthy, and alive, no matter where they are.

My hope in knowing that God has his hands on them, even when I can't see.

All my food and home and warmth and job and basicneeds that are met.

The trials I have been through this year thathave taught me and drawn  me closer to him.

The lesson that life is not about just me and there are many around me who are suffering too.

The people God sent to me, through this box, who didn't give up on me and loved me through the worst time in my life.  Just to mention a few, Tammy, my beloved and best friend.  Barbara P, Barbara S, Sugar girl, Sassy, Trish and even the ones that were there and I can't remember your names.  I am so thankful for your agape love for me.

As for the issues we all face today and everyday, I pray that God will help you cast your cares upon him because he does care for you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, God knows what he is doing and he does know his plans for you that are for good and not evil and he does love you.

Happy Thanksgiving from my family to yours.  May the peace that passes all understanding be with you to carry you through and guard your hearts and minds. I pray for those who do not know you, that they will find you.  I pray for those who are alone, afraid, hungry, cold, hurting and suffering.  Be with each of these people and comfort them and meet their needs according to your will.  Amen

 

HE LIVES

Hebrews 13: 8 Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and today, and for ever.

 

 

Friday, November 16, 2007

THANKSGIVING

 

THE SEASON OF THANKSGIVING IS UPON US AGAIN.  AS I WATCH FROM A DISTANCE, I SEE THE WORLD IN A HURRY TO BUY THE BEST MEALS AND BRING THEIR FAMILIES TOGETHER AND SPEND TIME TOGETHER.

I FIND MYSELF CURLING UP WITH THE LORD AND CLINGING EVER SO TIGHTLY TO HIS WORD AND HIS PROMISES.  I PRAISE HIM FOR ALL THAT I HAVE AND ALL THAT HE IS DOING IN MY LIFE AND I AM HOPEFUL BECAUSE I DO COUNT ON HIS PROMISES.

THIS WILL BE MY FIRST THANKSGIVING WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER AND I AM SO SAD INSIDE.  NOT BECAUSE I DON'T BELIEVE THAT GOD CAN DO MIRACLES, NOT BECAUSE HE ISN'T WITH ME BUT BECAUSE, SELFISHLY, I MISS MY DAUGHTER MORE THAN I CAN SAY AND THIS IS THE VERY KIND OF THING THAT PENETRATES EVEN THE BEST OF HOPE AND REMINDS ME OF WHAT I AM MISSING TODAY.

I HAVE DECIDED TO DO AS MUCH AS I CAN THIS YEAR TO HELP SOMEONE ELSE.  I ALREADY BOUGHT A TURKEY AND COOKED IT AND TOOK IT TO THE CHURCH TO FEED THE HOMELESS THIS SATURDAY.  THAT IS OUR MINISTRY IN OUR CHURCH AND I ENJOY IT SO MUCH.

PEOPLE LOOK AT ME AND THINK BECAUSE IT'S BEEN OVER NINE MONTHS SINCE EMILY LEFT AND I AM NOT STRUGGLING ON A DAILY BASIS JUST TO BE ABLE TO BREATHE THROUGH THE PAIN, THAT I AM OK AND OVER IT ALL.  I WILL NEVER GET OVER HER BEING GONE, WILL NEVER STOP HOPING OR PRAYING OR MISSING HER.

BY THE GRACE OF GOD, WE GET THROUGH HARD TIMES IN OUR LIVES AND HE TURNS IT ALL INTO GOOD THINGS.  I REALIZE NOW THAT IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT ME BUT THAT THERE ARE SO MANY OTHERS WHO GO THROUGH THE SAME KINDS OF THINGS AS ME AND DON'T HAVE THE LORD TO HELP THEM THROUGH IT.

I HOPE AND PRAY THAT THIS THANKSGIVING SEASON, YOU WILL REMEMBER THAT IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU.  I PRAY THAT YOU WILL INVITE A FRIEND WITHOUT A FAMILY TO JOIN YOU.  I PRAY THAT, LIKE THE PILGRIMS, YOU CAN COME TOGETHER WITH OTHERS AND SHARE WHAT YOU HAVE AND HAVE A GRAND FEAST.

WHEN IT'S ALL SAID AND DONE AND ALL THE LEFT OVERS ARE SITTING ON YOUR TABLE, I PRAY THAT YOU CAN LOOK INTO YOUR HEARTS AND KNOW THAT YOU DO LOVE OTHERS AS YOURSELF AND THAT YOU ARE TRULY BLESSED WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU CARE ABOUT THOSE LESS FORTUNATE.

AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE, WE WILL SERVE THE LORD WITH ALL OUR HEARTS AND SOULS AND MINDS.

                       HAPPY THANKSGIVING

 

Emily, I miss you and pray you have a wonderful Thanksgiving this year.  I will be thinking about you.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

FRIENDSHIP

Twoyoungangels.jpg image by slimhawk

 

Sometimes people come into your life and with no hidden agenda of their own, leave profound footprints on your heart.  It's rare to truly experience what it feels like to be genuinely loved by someone who is always there for you, but it happens.

I'm dedicating this page to my dear friend Tammy.  We had made plans to be together in Albuquerque this year for the balloon festival and to celebrate our birthdays but we weren't able to keep our plans.  I didn't go but had a friend take pictures for me. So, from my heart to yours Tammy, this is for you.

They come from all over the world with their balloons, one week out of the year, to create yet another wonderful, magical week of fun filled color and breath taking excitement for all to see.  Each day is a different experience with the mass essention, special shapes, balloon glows and many more.

Mass Essention - Just look at them all.  The colors and magic of hundreds of balloons, above your heard!!!!!!!!!!

 

Up, up and away they go.  Imagine that you are in one of these incredible balloons, flying above the city below you.

Special shapes take to the sky and thrill the crowd with their splendor. Don't take my word for it but if you look up, I think you'll see a Panda bear, smiling down at you.

 

 

Oh, and look over their, I think it's DarthVader. Making his way across the sky.

Oh and over there, look, could that really be a giant mug of beer?

Finally, in the evening when it's all said and done, everyone comes together for the spectacular balloon glow.

 

The beauty is breath taking and each moment brings on a whole new show.

 

The power behind the balloons.

I love you Tammy and I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed doing it for you.  We are friends and that is a given.  No matter what life brings our way, the power of our friendship will see us through.

No greater friend hath any man than he lay down his life for his friend.  I'm here for you always.

 

Sunday, October 7, 2007

This THINKING ABOUT GOD

 

 

This is going to sound really odd but I've been thinking about God a whole lot lately.  Like constantly for the past few weeks.  I wake up several times a night and he's there, get up in the morning and he's there.  I drive to work or to the store or just take a walk and he's there, everywhere I am, I'm so aware of him.

Some of you might be reading this and think to yourself, that's normal but I have never experienced anything like this before.  I feel him all the time.  Been thinking about people all around me that touch my life and in the news and just everywhere and how all the things that are happening just seem to tell me how close his coming is.  Think about the tragedies that are effecting the lives of the people I care about and even my own.  How sad it is to know that people I love are suffering and still, it's exciting to know that the same one who comforts me is comforting them, thousands of miles across the country.

The ministers on the radio are talking a lot about how near the Lords coming is.  It seems I can't go one day without hearing someone talk about it.  The excitement is in the air and in my spirit and I can't help but think about how thankful I am that I won't have to continue to be in a world that is turning more wicked every day.

I heard a minister talk about how we are to be a light to the world and the salt of the earth.  Heard one talking about how it use to be that if you weren't a virgin you were the odd one but now a days, if you are a virgin, you're the one who stands out as different, odd.  I couldn't help but think about how encouraging it is for me that I am exactly where God would have me be because of my convictions and how comforting that is, even when it gets very lonely. Knowing that even when I stand out to others and seem strange, to God, I'm doing what he expectsof me.

Ithink about who God is and how totally awesome he is.  He puts the tiny little burst of color on a flower that makes is stunningly beautiful and yet has the power to hold the stars in the heavens.  He is more faithful than anyone you will ever know and truly knows the value of honesty, morals, integrity, convictions and he never sways.  He never lets you down or changes his mind or makes you look like a fool or tricks you or deceives you.

God is on your side, forgives and heals and comforts and gives you strength and hope and love never ending.  God keeps his promise and no matter how bad your day might be, God is still there and you can count on him and he has the power to do anything.

I don't know anyone else like him, anywhere.  Never had more love or faithfulness or friendship or loyalty from anyone.  He keeps telling me he is here with me.  He keeps telling me I can get through because he isn't going anywhere.  He keeps showing me just how big he is.

I've been thinking about the bad raps God gets.   Someone dies or gets hurt or a tragedy strikes them and they blame God.  Think about the broken hearted or people who are suffering and blame God.  What's amazing to me is that no matter how upset or angry or accusing we are of God, he still knows the end result and he still continues his plan for our lives and he still loves us and comforts us all the way through.

He's my best friend and I say that with so much pride.  Me, a sinner, a nothing without him and yet, he loves me more than anyone ever has.  It's better than having the greatest person in the world on your side because God is even above that person.

I am so in love with the Lord, so thankful that my journey through this life has never gone one single moment without the Lord, even when I forgot about him.  So thankful that even if to the world I have not accomplished anything and I'm really a nobody, God see's me as his creation, his child, his servant, someone worth always spending his time on.

Just a strange feeling all around me and through me.  I do lovethe Lord with all myheart and soul and mind and am so thankful that he loves me too.  Sometimes I feel sad because I believe I will go through the rest of my life and never have a partner or someone special again.  Feel really lonely sometimes and wish there was someone with me and want all the things a normal person wants.  Look at people around me who take what they want while I do without because they tell me they are just too lonely to do the right thing or everyone does it or some excuse.  When my heart sinks to my feet and I feel out of sorts and lost, God reminds me that he expects me to be different and it's ok.

The Bible says if God be for you, who can be against you?  To me, that's one of the greatest comforts I find in this world today.  I'm made out of flesh and blood and feelings like anyone else in the this with all the same desires and needs and wants but life is about choice and we all have a choice of good or evil.

My heart goes out to everyone who is suffering right now.  Sometimes the sadness is overwhelming for me because I do want everyone to be happy and content but, in these last days, Satan is desperate and running out of time and he is on the prowl always.  Isn't it awesome to know that no matter what happens, God is with you and you can always count on that??  For me, that's everything.

God bless you.  I hope you had a great week and even if things did not go the way you had planned or hoped, the Lord God Almighty is with you and he still sits on the throne and one day soon, the suffering will be over.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

BROKEN BRIDGES

BrokenBridges.jpg image by slimhawk

 

Here we are again, another year come and gone and my birthday will arrive again tomorrow.  I don't know if we ever really out grow birthdays, even when we've had as many as I have, somewhere inside of each of us is that person who looks forward to their birthday and the excitement and happiness it will bring.  I guess I bring that up because even though there is no one to remember me this year or make a big deal out of it, I'm still turning a year older and wonder what the day will bring.

I refuse to think of all the negative of a day that should be special and yet I know it won't be.  Although I know there are people who care about me, it's the ones I love and have lost that weigh on my mind.  The thoughts of how my birthday could be a magical day, filled with love and joy and starting over, those things linger in the back of my mind as I quickly push them out of my head and try to focus on the practical, logic of the day.

I keep thinking about broken bridges from the CD that Toby Keith put out because he talks about the broken bridges which are things you just can't put behind you.  Most of us know that saying, " this is the bridge we have come too."  Most of us know that we come to things in our lives that do not turn out the way we hoped they would and we have to move on but, what about the things we can't move on from, let go of, move past??  I call those things broken bridges.

50 years is a long time to live.  It hardly seems possible that I have lived that many years and yet, sometimes I feel it.  We mostly like to think about this time as a time when we have figured out what we want out of life and accomplished most of it.  Some of us have a spouse that has been around 30 some odd years.  Our children are grown, savings and retirement is almost complete and a time to live and not worry about the stresses of life.

Some of us are notthat lucky and this is an age when we start to worry about what will happen, how we will live when we get old, who will be around to help us.  All the things you plan for and hope for can vanish in one single moment and with no fault of your own, you can find yourself not at all where you hoped and dreamed you would be.

I am that person and even though that might sound like a sympathy story, it's really just a fact.  I've learned a lot in this world but the most important thing I have learned is that when it's all said and done, there are only two people you can truly count on, yourself and the Lord.  Everything else, everyone else is simply a bridge that has been broken.  You can't cross it or burn it or go under it, you simply stop and look at it.

I have heard that the closest thing to magic is love and maybe that is true because God's love could be viewed as something magical.  It has the power to lift you up off the ground and fill your heart with warmth and joy and happiness.  Still, I believe that the closest thing to magic are miracles.  Something you hope for with all your heart that seem impossible to have and yet it happens, just like magic.

 

Oh how I wish for a miracle even though I know that no matter what happens, the grace of God is enough to get me through everything that comes my way.  How happy I would be if my daughter realized how much I miss her and how much her actions have hurt me and decided to put an end to the sadness and accept me in her life again.  How I wish that life was not always about being alone but instead I had years of memories with someone who was still here and still planning to grow old with me.  The simple joys in life of sharing a meal with someone you love or just taking a walk together.

I know that is all silliness.  I know that we can't really wish on a star or a birthday candle or drop a penny in a well.  Still, I think now I can understand the hearts of elderly people who reflect back on their lives and miss people who have come and gone.  Still feels like that young person who plays on a swing or climbs a tree, even though their body won't work like it use too.

Of all the things that have happened to me in my life, I would say that the greatest thing is that I found the Lord and I know that I can always count on him, even when I've lost faith in humanity and happy endings.

Cinderella and Snow White are wonderful stories that inspire us to believe in love and happy ever after's but hopefully when we grow up, we understand that they are fairytales and not everyone lives them.

I am sad that the people that mean so much to me are not here to celebrate my birthday or have any plans to be around in the future but I'm still ok because I know that for some reason, God chose to create me and allow me to live this long and that there is more to life than this world we live in. In the end, the only true thing any of us have to hold onto is knowing that we are a child of God and that one day we will be with him.  We came into this world with nothing and we will leave it with nothing, not even the broken bridges in our hearts.

 

 

 

 

 

Thursday, September 20, 2007

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Emily

    

 

Well, I've thought of this day for many years but most especially the past few months.  The doctors said that I wouldn't be able to carry her because of complications with my pregnancy.  It was their recommendation that I abort her but I refused.  Seven months later, she came bursting into the world, fighting all the way out.  I remember that day like it was yesterday and here we are, all these years later.

So what can you say or do for a special birthday when you aren't allowed to be a part of it?  My friend Sugar made me two beautiful graphics for her and I printed them and sent them to her with a dress.  I decided to make an entry in my journal because this is what I do when I feel so strongly about something.  So on this bitter sweet day that my daughter turns 18, I want to take the time to thank her for all the wonderful memories and reflect on some of the things I am thankful for.  18 reasons, even though there are many more, 18 reasons why I will celebrate this day in my heart and no one can take that away from me.

1.  For beating the odds and surviving and coming into my life..                  

2. For the memory of the sweet smell of a sweet baby girl, straight out of a bubble bath.

3. For knowing the warmth that comes from holding your new born baby in your chest.

4. For the beautiful smile that you have that lights up a room.

5. For your individuality.

6. For the kindness you show to others less fortunate than you.

7. For your energy.

8. For your courage to face anything.

9. For all the sweet things you have done over the years for me.

10. For all the keepsakes of things you made for me.

11.  For always remembering every special occasion I've ever had.

12. For always believing in me and encouraging me.

13.  For the love you have given me for so many years.

14. For never giving up on yourself and finishing school.

15. For all the hugs and kisses over the years.

16. For joy and happiness you have brought to me.

17. For never giving up on being a better person.

18. For all the snuggles, late at night when I was sad.

 

I miss you Emily but I am so thankful that you are alive and well today and I hope and pray you have a very blessed birthday.  So from my heart to yours .......

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

CACO23VE.jpg birthday balloons image by deafmack

 

 

 

Thank you Sugar for the beautiful graphics you made for me.

 

 

 

 

 

Saturday, September 15, 2007

MIRACLE OR LUCK--WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE?

MIRACLES HAPPEN EVERYDAY

miracle

 

 

We can look at life as though everything is a miracle or nothing is a miracle.  We can see things as good luck or bad luck, it just depends on ones beliefs and faith, I suppose.  I thought that my next entry would be a dedication to my daughters up coming birthday but as I write this entry, I am still in awe of the miracle that I experienced first hand yesterday.  I hope by my sharing this with those who read my journal, it will some how refresh your confidence in the Lord and encourage your heart to always remember and never forget, with God, all things are possible.It was a normal early morning work day for me as I was getting ready to go to work.  A Friday and I was happy that in eight more hours, the work week would be over and I made it through another week.  I was putting on my make up when the phone rang.  I looked at the time and thought, NO, I will not go in early for my boss again so I didn't answer the phone.  Seconds later, my cell phone rang and again I thought, there's no way, get someone else this time.  I went back to getting ready when I felt this urgent need to look at my cell to see who was trying to reach me.  I picked it up and didn't recognize the number and so I listened to the message.  My heart sank to my feet when I heard the words.  My daughter had just been in a horrible accident and had been rushed to the hospital by ambulance and the principal was calling me to let me know.As I stood there in disbelief at what I had just been told, I paged my boss and told her that I wouldn't be in and was going to the hospital.  I barely even made it to the car when Emily's boyfriends mother was calling me to tell me what had happened.  I knew it was serious and I knew I needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible so I politely thanked her, remembering that this was the same woman who didn't think I should have been told when she helped Emily have an abortion, without my knowing. I was shaking and starting to feel a great deal of fear come over me when suddenly it hit me, I do not have to be afraid because this child is in thehands of God and I know that for certain because I put her there.  On the way to the hospital I prayed that the Lord's will would be done.  I prayed that I could be a light for him and that he would direct my every action and word because I would be facing the people who had caused so much hurt for me.  A peace came over me like I can't explain other than saying that I felt that I didn't have a care in the world, just a direction to go be there for my daughter.  All the thoughts and fears and doubts seemed to be held back so that they did not enter my mind and I even remember thinking, God is surely with me otherwise, I would fall apart. I reached the hospital and found my way to where they had taken her.  I checked in at the front and then found a place to sit in the waiting room while they were busy finding the doctor in charge.  A woman came out with a clipboard and asked me if I was Emily's mother and I said yes of course.  Her first words to me were that I needed to sign a form so they could treat her.  The second words out of her mouth were that Emily had been in a car wreck and T-boned on her side and it was serious.  The car had been destroyed and they had to use the jaws of life to get her out.  Then she told me, Emily did not want to see me and she went back behind the curtain and was gone. I sat down in the waiting room and the only thing I could think of was staying focused on the Lord, on who is really in charge, on who has the power to make this outcome the best.  I prayed but in between my prayer were random questions like, who was driving, what happened to that person, where is Emily's boyfriend in all of this?  The door opened and Chris came into where I was sitting with his step dad.  Seems he had gone with his car to the impound yard and it was he who was driving.  It's the first time I have seen any of those people since Emily left home over seven months ago.  By the grace of God, I was able to hug him and to shake his step dads hand and then we sat down and he told me what had happened .Chris was taking Emily to school and he was at a light turning left into the parking lot.  The green arrow turned to a solid green light as he tried to beat the on coming car and that woman plowed into the side where Emily had been sitting.  I could hear him and his step dad talking about insurance and damage to the car and who was sited and things that seemed so unimportant to me but it was as though they were far away and all I could really focus on was how Emily is and God. Chris went back to see her and was gone for a while.  My son arrived and came and sat with me.  The step dad eventually traded places with Chris and I sat there quietly just praying and focused on the Lord.  Eventually Emily found out her big brother was there and asked for him.  It was the first time they have spoken since she left home too and it was a blessing because they traded phone numbers with each other and found peace again with each other. Thoughts kept crossing my mind of how I should be the one in there with her, longing to see her for myself but the Lord quickly took those thoughts out of my head and I regained my focus again and it was on God. I sat there listening to Chris and his step dad calling each of his family members on their cell and talking about Emily and what had happened.  It was like watching your child being cared for through a window and not being able to touch her as people who barely knew her were taking charge of everything.  I kept reminding myself that the Lord was in charge, not them .Eventually, the doctor came out and came directly to me.  Emily was in a neck brace and a body splint of some kind to keep her from moving and had suffered such a tremendous impact that it had knocked her unconscious and they were busy doing CT's on her neck and back and abdomen.  So certain they would find critical injuries even though she did not have a scratch on her.  I wanted to see her so much and tell her that I love her but I knew she wouldn't see me so I waited and prayed.  Mean while her boyfriend was busy discussing how it wasn't his fault and how much money he had just put into his car and how he would have been being so careful because of the money he just spent and talking to insurance companies and almost oblivious to the reality of what had just happened.  I couldn't help but think to myself how his behavior was not that of someone who put her first and cherished and loved her like I do but put it out of my mind.Then the step dad sat down nextto me and began to show me pictures of the accident.  The on coming car had hit her side so hard, it blew out the window on her side, it took the rear panel on her side and pushed it into the back seat, it bent the frame so much that it pushed the seat she was sitting in to the center of the car and pushed the window frame above her into the shape of a capital A and turned her seat towards the drivers side.  The door next to her was pushed in over where she was sitting and she was under it all. I saw those pictures and kept playing it over and over in my head as I realized the seriousness of it all.  Pushing out thoughts that she will surely be crippled for the rest of her life or have some kind of horrible injury that will never go away or something.  I kept focusing on the Lord and the peace I felt kept me in awe of the Lord.The step dad went back to see Emily again and I sat and listened to her boyfriend talk about how he wasn't responsible and all these things that made me realize just how second to him she really is.  I thought about how my daughter wants to be loved so desperately that she actually believes this kid loves her. The same one who would leave her if she had her baby, their baby.  The same one who would encourage her to leave home and move in with him.  Finally the step dad came out and told me that Emily would see me.  I felt a twinge of excitement expecting that this is how God would bring us together again.  As I walked back to where she was, I prepared myself with prayer and focus on the Lord.  I walked into her room and there she was, lying in a bed with a brace on her neck and tubes running into her veins and white as a ghost.  The step dad came and so did her boyfriend and they hovered around her as I made my way to where I could see her.  I knew the second I saw her, she did not want me there and I felt the tension.  The step dad started in on how we needed to make up and telling Emily to get over it and trying to make her hold my hand.  That's when I finally spoke up and said, this is about Emily and not me.  This is not the time nor the place to do this because Emily is what matters and she does not want me here.  I looked at Emily and I simply told her, I am so glad to see you but I'm going to wait outside because I know you don't want me here and I excused myself.  As I was walking away, I could still hear the step dad telling Emily what she should be doing and I realized, just how controlling those people are. I went back and sat down in the waiting room when the step dad came out.  He sat down beside me and started telling me about my daughter as though I didn't know her.  Telling me I should not be angry with her and going back over all the events of the past seven months, making sure he made himself seem blameless and without any responsibility for anything.  I once again was reminded of how powerful the grace of God is as I sat there in awe of the fact that I was not up in his face screaming at him that she is my daughter and I know what he did and making a scene. I simply looked over at him and told him that my daughter has been gone for seven months and 11 days and I think about her every single day.  I said, I have been there for her every day of her life since she was born and I know her and I also know that it is her choice and only her choice to see me again. Seven hours went by before the last test was done.  To the doctors amazement, Emily didn't have one single injury they could find, not one scratch, nothing.  The step dad looked at me and said it was her good luck.  My response to him was that it is a miracle and I know it's a miracle and no one can ever make me think differently.  I can just picture how the Lord placed his hand around her in that car and protected her from death.It was time for her to be released and I prepared myself again for what was about to happen.  I knew she wouldn't be coming home with me, even though I am her legal guardian, even though they could not treat her without my consent, even though I wanted her to come home with me with all my heart.  I sat there and watched her boyfriend and step dad discuss pulling their car around and how they would get her out to it and all of those details and once again, the grace of God just came over me in a wave and I stayed calm.  When they left the waiting room to go back to where Emily was, I just left.  I had barely walked the two blocks to where my car was parked when my phone rang and it was the step dad again, telling me I needed to come back and sign the forms to have her released.  I felt the tension rise up inside of me at the insanity of it all but politely told him I would come back.  When I walked in to where the nurse was standing, I felt such a frustration come over me.  Here she was telling me all the danger signs I was to look for and what I needed to do for Emily, knowing the whole time that I was not the one she would be going home with.  When I reminded her of that, her only response was, aren't you her legal guardian??  Frustrated I signed the papers but not without telling her that I had not seen my daughter in over seven months and that when she leaves here today, I will not be the one who can make sure she is ok so her form was ridiculous went over to where Emily was sitting.  I could see how pale and worn out she was and I walked up to her and I simply told her, thank God you have another 50 years to hate me because that means you are alive and well and that is what matters to me.  I told her I love her and then I walked out of the building.As I walked to my car, I played that day over in my head and all that had been said and done.  I was in awe of how God's grace kept me gracious and kind hearted and a true witness for him.  I thought of the miracle he had given me that day and the fact that Emily did not die.  I thought about the people I was leaving her with and how messed up their priorities are and how second to them she is and I felt so sad that it was not me that she was leaving with. I felt extremely frustrated that they are so ignorant that they don't even know a miracle from good luck.   That is when the Lord spoke to me and I knew in my heart that I had done what he wanted me too by his grace only and that he is the one who will be leaving with her and watching over her.  I felt such a peace and so thankful for the Lord and his love and comfort and I thought of that scripture, " my grace is sufficient for thee".I know this is long but I wanted toshare as many details as I can remember so that anyone who reads this might be blessed by being reminded of how awesome our Lord is. Even when we can't be with the people we love and protect them ours, we can rest in the assurance that God hears our prayers every day and that he certainly does watch over the people we love. I am so humbled that the Lord would step in and be there for me like he was yesterday.  I am reminded of just how strong and powerful he is when I am so weak yet trusting in him.  I am thankful that I am not in the dark and that I know who the Lord is and I'm thankful that I can truly desire in my heart to put it all in his hands and trust him and rest with confidence that he cares for me. I got to see my baby again for the first time in seven months and 11 days.  The shock on the stepd dads face when I said that to him will be with me for a long time.  He couldn't believe I know how long it's been.  He was actually speechless. I see a miracle, lived it,experienced it and was a part of it only by the grace of God.  I am so thankful that this time, the tragedy didn't play out like the events from my past that always seem to have such heart breaking results.  I have experienced many but now I know that all of them have served a purpose I may never know or understand.  I know that each one of them broke me a little more and made me more aware of God.  I know that God has truly touched me in a special way and has brought me to a higher place with him and I know that no matter what happens, God is my strength and my refuge and I will not be afraid.                                                                                Today I can not be with Emily and care for her needs.  Today I can't hold her or tell her how much I love her or make sure she is safe and loved but today, I can know with confidence that the Lord is with her and hears my prayers and not only is he giving me the grace to get through this day without her, he is giving me the confidence to know that she is in the best hands possible, HIS. 

 Most humbly, God bless you and keepyou.  Thank you Lord for saving my little girl.

light1.gif image by slimhawk

Sunday, September 9, 2007

HUMBLED BY YOUR MAGESTY

angelthinkingofjesus.gif image by slimhawk

 

 

Oh how the heart does fail when tragedy comes upon us and we do not understand it.  Our greatest enemy, Satan, just waits at the edge of our minds and finds his way into our thoughts and causes us to have great fear and doubt.

 

The Lord is always and forever so faithful and wise and compassionate that he knows everything and he knew before Satan was ever thrown into this world to reign that we would need a great comforter.  He knew that we would have to live in this world and this fleshly body and yet try to withstand the wiles of the enemy. He knew the whispers of defeat and sorrow and hopelessness that would be Satan’s weapon against us.

 

Lovingly, compassionately God gave instruction of his own to be written in his word so that we would know the source of our strength when times became so troublesome and harsh.  He knew that all we would have to do is to turn to him for our strength because when we are weak, he is still strong.

 

There are so many everywhere struggling and searching and clinging to the Lord for hope and comfort and love.  There he is, waiting and watching for us to reach out to him with faith and know that with certainty, he is the power of this world and still sits on the throne and it is in him that we find our peace, even when appearances of evil seem to not change.

 

Oh taste the Lord and know that he is good.  Do not be deceived, God is not mocked, as a man sow, so also shall he reap.  In this world you will have tribulation but be of good cheer, I have over come the world.

 

In Corinthians II chapter 12, Paul pleads with the Lord three times to take from him the burden that he carries so that he might find peace.  The Lord gently spoke to him saying, “ My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made great in your weakness.”

 

Oh how we fight that truth.  We look at our situation from our own perspective, not knowing what good things the Lord is working in our lives.  We see circumstances and try to figure it all out and pray for our will to be done.  We think we know what God wants for our lives and that we are praying for the right thing but many times we have no clue.

 

The song was written years ago, “ I Surrender All”.  All to Jesus I surrender, all to him I freely give.  I will ever love and trust him in his presence daily live.

 

I was so lost for so long over the things that have happened in my life.  I was so certain that I knew what it meant to surrender all and serve the Lord.  It wasn’t until I was so beaten down and so weary and desperately wanting to go be with the Lord that I realized, I’m tired of being so beaten up.  That is when I finally could see that my heart was set on things that I have absolutely no power over and was trying to control. That is when I surrendered all and asked the Lord to give me the faith that his promises are true and that he would be here for me, to get through it all and to grow closer to him.

 

I don’t know how to help someone else understand but I pray that I will learn.  The peace that comes from one single act of true surrender, it surpasses all human understanding but God knows because he is the author of that peace.

 

It doesn’t mean that I have suddenly gotten everything I hoped for because I haven’t.  It doesn’t mean I have been given a miracle in the way that most would expect but in God’s way, I am blessed with a miracle because the pain is gone, the weariness, the selfishness, the agony …… all gone.

 

I know with confidence that what ever happens from this point on, it’s part of God’s will for my life and I pray that I can keep my focus on him, remember I am nothing without him and that maybe he can use me to help another person.

 

I pray for those around me who are experiencing the struggle that I have been through and are suffering right now.  Oh Lord I pray they can find their strength and comfort in you.  I pray that I can be so humble that I never take credit for any good that God might use me for, so meek and forgiving that I can turn the other cheek and do it because that is what God asks me to do, so wise that I can always remember to turn to you Lord for any and every need I have, no matter how great or small.  Mostly, I pray that I would not judge anyone for their circumstances and that I might simply be loving and caring.

 

Thank you for your perfect work that you are doing in me.  Help me to let my light shine for you in everything I do and to never forget again that my joy is complete in you.  I pray for the weak and the weary and the broken hearted that they can find comfort in your loving arms that are always open to this world.

 

Psalms 42:1  As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God.

 

 

 

Peace.jpg image by slimhawk

 

I pray that the peace that passes all understanding will guard our hearts and minds.  God bless.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

HE LIVES

religious-3.jpg religious image by slimhawk

 

I SERVE A RISEN SAVIOR, HE'S IN THE WORLD TODAY, I KNOW THAT HE IS LIVING, NO MATER WHAT MEN SAY.  I SEE HIS HAND OF MERCY, I HEAR HIS VOICE OF CHEER AND JUST THE TIME I NEED HIM, HE'S ALWAYS NEAR.

 

Hello everyone, do those words sound familiar?  I learned that song when I was just a little girl but never knew how much they would come to mean to me one day.  If you stop and think about those words, you might want to shout them from a mountain top with excitement because the very fact that he does live, is the reason we can all over come in him and live today.

I see so much suffering all around me.  Not only in my personal life but in those I know and meet and hear about.  It seems that there is no quick fix and that patience is truly the virtue we need to have in order to get through trying times.  The world is so fast paced and eager to please itself and everyone has their own idea of what it is they feel they must have in order to be happy.  Not only that but we all seem to have our own agenda as to when it should happen and how.

The scripture tells us to set our hearts and minds on things above and not on this world.  To me that means simply to be so focused on the Lord that we can rise above our daily struggles and be confident in knowing that we are exactly where we should be and that God has everything in our lives under control.

He gently whispers in our ear and gives us signs of his presence in such a way that if we are paying attention to him, we know that he is telling us he is near.  We get excited and our hearts fill with hope again and the excitement of it all over comes us and we begin to expect something great any minute.  When it doesn't seem to come right away, we get discouraged again and hopeless and beaten down.  Satan isright there to sneak into our thoughts and cause us to fear and doubt and worry.

Cast all your cares upon the Lord because he cares for you.  That is what the scripture tells us.  It's so hard to stay focused when things all around us seem to bleak and impossible.  Satan creeps in and lies to us and tells us the situation is impossible and we won't make it through.

I had someone recently tell me, it is impossible, it's not just a lie from Satan, look at what is happening in my life.  I thought of the disciple who walked out to Jesus on the water.  The fact that he was on water that could swallow him up was real.  The fact that he feared and lost sight of God and began to sink, that was also real.  The truth that if he would have ignored all the evidence around him, that it was an impossible task and just focused on God, he would have walked right over to the Lord, that is also real.

We serve a mighty God and we also serve a God who can do anything, anything he chooses.  If he can put the sun in the sky and heal the blind man and part the sea, how can anything be out of his power??

Today, I encourage you, as you read my journal, take your mind off of your troubles, put your focus on the Lord.  Forget your own agenda and needs and know that God is with you and knows everything.  Trust him with all your heart and know that no matter what is ahead of you, God is with you to see you through and his agenda is what counts the most. After all, he knows his plans for us and they are for good, not evil.

I miss my daughter with all my heart.  Daily I wake up and pray for her and think of her through out the day.  Daily I hope that this might be the day that my prayers are answered and that I can have her in my life again but, more than anything, I trust that God knows what he is doing and this is not an impossible situation for him.

Some days are so hard, I just have to cling to the Lord to help me through the pain because life can be so painful but I know he is here with me, I know he is working and I know that it is his will that she not be living with this kid.

Our God is an awesome God and there is nothing that he can't do.  Our God is a jealous God and he wants your whole heart and mind to be set on him.

I was sitting in my den yesterday when this poem just came to me.  I wrote it down and decided to share it with you today.  If you are weary, God is there to give you peace.  If you are weak and feel you can't go on, God is there to carry you. If you lack wisdom and don't know what to do, remember that he tells us in his word that if we lack wisdom, just ask him and he will give it to us.

Clear your mind and focus on him.  Think of his miracles and his power to even raise the dead.  Stop thinking about time frames that prayers need to be answered by and stop focusing on what you think should happen and just know that God see's things we can't and he knows what is best for us.  God bless.

 

In Him

Though life is hard and painful, there's still joy to be found;

Because my Lord and Savior, sets my feet on higher ground;

Though the world is always searching, to change the truth of black and white;

My Lord and precious Savior, tells us all what's wrong and right;

Though to many all around us, their life feels like sinking sand;

Just remember God is faithful, to lift us up and help us stand;

Satan is a master liar, his deception knows no bounds;

Hold tight to our risen Savior, for in him the answers are found;

If you feel some days it's hopeless, and you simply can't go on;

Just remember there is comfort, for our Lord sits on the throne;

There is nothing he can't manage, there is nothing he can't do;

So believe that God is faithful and absolutely he loves you;

The road to heaven is narrow, tests of values lead the way;

Keep your focus on your Savior and trust him everyday;

If only you will trust him and put all your hope in him;

His blessings for you will light your way and bless you in the end; 

Just remember there's a Savior, who lives in the world today;

No matter what your burden, he is with you all the way.

 

 

 

Thank you Lord that even in the darkest of times, you are with us and your mercy and comfort know no bounds.  Thank you that even in the most difficult times, we can see your light in any situation because you are light and you are always with us.  Thank you Lord that no matter how things appear to us, we can rest in the knowledge that you hear our prayers and you are working your will in all things.  Thank you Lord that no matter what we might do, you never leave us nor forsake us and you forgives us unconditionally.  Thank you Lord for your amazing light and power that is found only in you. I pray for all of those who are lost, struggling, searching for a better day.  I pray you would touch us and refresh our spirits and renew our hope in you.

 

To my sisters in my prayer group, thank you for all your prayers for me beause they are working.  I know that God is on the throne and that he holds us all in the palm of his hands.  I know that he is with all of us and that he is working and hears our prayers.  I know that Satan is a master at making us feel lost, hopeless and defeated but he is a liar and he has been defeated and there is victory in Jesus.  May you all be encouraged knowing that our God Reigns.  God Bless.

 

SWORD.jpg image by slimhawk

 

PRAISE THE LORD THAT OUR GOD REIGNS

 

579781542_l.jpg image by slimhawk