Saturday, October 14, 2006


As I struggle to hang onto the promises of God, looking to him for my help and refuge, I think of all the people in the world who feel like me,  David, the Psalmist, shepard, ordinary man .......... beaten down and broken.  Sometimes Satan really wants me to believe that I'm not trusting God because I get so discouraged and feel like God is not listening to me.  Then I read scripture like the one below and I realize, there are many, even the greatest of men, who feel the same way.  I'm overwhelmed right now and need prayers and my heart is truly breaking but I will not give up on God and turn to the world.  I will cling to God even by a thin thread at times and continue to hope and believe that his ways are the only ways.  So, I think of all of you out there that might feel the same and I share this word with you in hopes to encourage your hearts and remind you that we all find times when we are feeling broken and beaten.  I remind you that God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that who so ever believes in him shall NOT perish but have ever lasting life.  John 3:16.
Psalm 142 A Psalm of David
I cry out to the Lord with my voice.  With my voice to the Lord I make my supplication.  I pour out my complaint before Him.  I declare before him my trouble.  When my spirit is overwhelmed within me. Then you knew my path.  In the way in which I walk. They have secretly set a snare for me.  Look on my right hand and see.  For there is no one who acknowledges me.  Refuge has failed me.  No one cares for my soul.  I cried out to you O Lord.  I said, you are my refuge.  My portion in the land of the living.  Attend my cry.  For I am brought very low. Deliver me from my persecutors. For they are stronger than I.  Bring my soul out of prison.  That I may praise your name. The righteous shall surround me.  For you shall deal bountifully with me.
Psalm 143
Hear my prayer O Lord.  Give ear to my supplications.  In your faithfulness, answer me.  And in your righteousness.  Do not enter in judgement with your servant.  For in your sight no one living is righteous.
For the enemy has persecuted my soul.  He has crushed my life to the ground.  He has made me dwell in darkness, Like those who have long been dead.  Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me.  My heart within me is distressed.  I remember the day of old. I meditate on all your works. I muse on the work of your hands.  I spread out my hands to you.  My soul longs for you like a thirsty land.
Answer me speedily, O Lord.  My spirit fails.  Do not hide your face from me.  Lest I be like those who go down into the pit.  Cause me to hear your loving kindness in the morning.  For in you do I trust.  Cause me to know the way in which I should walk.  For I lift my soul to you.  Deliver me O Lord from my enemies.  In you I take shelter.  Teach me to do your will.  For you are my God.
Your spirit is good.  Lead me in the land of uprightness.  Revive me O Lord for your name's sake.  For your righteousness sake bring my soul out of trouble.  In your mercy cut off my enemies.  And destroy all those who afflict my soul.  For I am your Servant.
Dear Lord, I find this world of pain and suffering so overwhelming sometimes that I can't even find peace in my heart but I know Oh Lord that you are my refuge and my hope and my comfort.  Give understanding to those who want to help.  Send your love to me in such a mighty way that I have no doubt it's you. Encourage my heart and fill my cup.
Bring to life the truth that, Greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world.  In you Lord, my precious Savoir, my hope does dwell.

Saturday, October 7, 2006


Silent Tragedy
Rays of sunshine, bursting with warmth, so contagious it covers you with joy until it seeps into your heart and brings brightness to your being, broken with one enormous tragedy after another until darkness becomes your world.
Reaching, hoping, praying for the light, just to have it move beyond the clouds to darken even your highest hope.  Searching, longing for that promise of a love that is ours for the asking, just to find a deafened ear, invisible even to the greatest power of our universe, God.
Waking from the black hole that is your dream only to find the reality of what life can be in a world so cruel and selfish.  Sinking in despair, crying for a break in the sorrow that is your silent world full of emptiness and all alone.
Struggling to hold onto the tiny piece of sunshine that once was your spirit, joy, positive outward look.  Reading all the promises, wondering why they aren't applied to you by the master who holds the world in his hands.  Knowing, all things are possible yet waking to the reality that it doesn't include you.
Silently, reluctantly going through the day in a world around you full of life and living only to acknowledge a world no one knows about, the darkness that is your inner pain.
Tragedies, tragedies, enormous tragedies that would break even the strongest of man, carrying it with you, no words to say to take it all away.
Betrayal, even from the greatest entity that is said to be your hope, trickery, betrayal, great sorrow that fades even the brightest light.
Sparks of determination to rise above the nightmare that is your life, just to find fist where you believed was an open hand.  Numb, not feeling, thinking, just being, go through the motions and wondering what must have happened to bring you to this present darkness full of heart wrenching sadness.
Pushing, struggling to meet another day, not thinking or allowing feeling or dreams to enter your mind, getting through another day without anyone seeing the black whole in your heart through the window of your soul.
Learning to conceal the love and compassion and genuine care for others so as to not be taken advantage of or mistreated, hoping to remain invisible yet longing to fit somewhere.
People living, moving, talking, loving, through an invisible shield that separates you from their world and leaves you empty and broken.  Loosing the desire to hold on, believe, hope, dream, live, just exist in a world you aren't welcomed in, lost and alone, silently still holding on for a better day.  Utter sadness, remembering the sunshine in your soul that once was the person you were. Fighting to not become the total darkness set before you to absorb you like a sponge and put out the fire that was once your heart. No where to turn, no way to escape, even sleep brings nothing but sorrow.