Tuesday, July 25, 2006


All around us we see it, people struggling, going to incredible trials, tired, beaten up, discouraged and even depressed.  I think it's important for us to stop everything, just for a moment and remind ourselves of how great our God really is.

The oceans of the world contain  more than 340 quintillion gallons of water yet God holds them in the hollow of his hand Isaiah 40:12.

The earth weight 6 sextillion metric tons yet to God it represents but dust on the scale Isaiah 40:12, 15.

The known universe stretches more than 30billion light years (200 sextillion miles) yet to God that great expanse represents but a span, hands width.  Isaiah 40:12.

That same universe contains at least 100 billion stars yet God knows them all my name.  Isaiah 40:26.

God is so huge, beyond what we can possible picture in our minds and yet, we find ourselves in trouble and we try to offer him advice on how to fix things for us.  I submit to you that God is in control and can handle everything and he does, in his own time.

Isaiah 40:31 They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles.  They shall run and not be weary they shall walk and not faint.

Take the time today to remember who you are to God and how big he is.  Remember how awesome he is.  Remember that he loves you and he sent his only son to die on the cross for your sins and that he is faithful to finish the good work he has begun in you.  Trust him with all your heart, keep your eyes on him and be patient and he will deliver you.  God bless.

Saturday, July 22, 2006


Thy word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against thee.

All the answers to life are here in your word Lord.  People read it and understand it and yet they hide from the truth and instruction.  I've been guily so many times Lord, knowing the truth but thinking that if I ignore it or pretend I don't understand it, somehow that will give me the right to make a choice for sin and not for you.

The signs are there, everywhere you look, the propheies are being fulfilled and that last days are at hand.  Still, some poeple continue in their selfishness and sin and choose their own ways.

The closer I am to you Lord, the more sensitive I am to what is happening in the world and the urgancy of telling the world about you.  They don't listen Lord, what am I to do if they won't listen??

Take me under your wing I pray.  Teach me your word and give me a spirit of love and kindness and humility, so maybe others will be won over, simply by knowing the joy that is mine in you Lord.

You are coming back soon and you will reward the righteous and punish the proud and selfish.  The people who stored up all their value in fame, fourtune and induldging in sin, they will be wiped out with a firey flame and forever damed and the meek and humble who love you and honor your word, their reward will be given to them.

Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.

I'm sorry I don't know where these verses are in the Bible but I do know they are there.  If anyone who reads this can tell me where they are found, please feel free to do so.  God bless.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006


Hello my friends in J-Land.  I know that I said I wasn't going to do this anymore but since then, God has shown me so much and what I realize most is that if this journal touches even one heart it is worth it for the Lord.  I have also realized that it is our weaknesses that God loves to use the most.

The word of God is so amazing how it has the answers for every thing we face in this life.  I have just finished the book of Ecclesiasties and what a powerful book that is to be so tiny.  All the things that are in there, about how man loves vanity and prospers and how we feel discouraged about the prosperity of the wicked, it plays out even in today's life, doesn't it?

That book also tells us that for everything there is under the sun, every one of us will be held accountable and those of us who strive to be more Christ like, God will not forget us.

2 Corinthians 12:9  My grace is sufficient for you, my power made perfect in your weakness.

I find great comfort in those words because I am weak right now but still holding on tight to the Lord and trusting him.  So much sadness and pain in my heart.  My mother is dying and it's almost impossible for me to see her before she does because she is still married to my step dad and he hates me.  Even up to the very end he will keep this going because he molested me when I was a little girl and so when my daughter was born, I refused to let him near her.  Twice now, I am paying for something dearly and I am not the villain. I've lost 14 years with my mother over this.

What I say is that the Lord is awesome and amazing.  I made amends with my mother on mother's day this year and got to tell her how much I love her.  I got a second chance and that was God.  My step dad will answer one day for what he has done and that is the confidence and certainty that I have in him.  His promise.

What I feel right now is that as deeply as I am hurt over this right now, God will use my weakness and he will be glorified in the process.  I ask for prayers because I am struggling so hard.  Not to trust God but to beat the pain I seem to keep falling into.  It's so incredibly difficult.

Satan knows our weaknesses and he does use them but so does God and in the end, God will get the glory if we continue to trust him.  This is an evil world and does belong to the evil but be of good cheer because God has over come the world and our reward is waiting in paradise.  He will have the last say.

God bless

Tuesday, July 4, 2006

Thank you

I guess that I only had a few people in mind when I decided to write a good bye in my journal. I didn't realize that I would get such an over whelming response like I have.

I know that the Lord is with me and that he is just continuing to heal a broken heart that goes so deep. I thought that it was all done but could not understand why I am still so lonely and my surroundings have not changed much.  Then it came to me the other night that my loneliness is by my own choice because there is still so much pain and hurt from the betrayal I have experienced.  Leaving me to feel like I was just dropped out of the sky and belong no where.

My dearest and sweetest friend, Tammy, was bold enough and brave enough to reach out to me in the beginning when I was so angry and bitter.  Even when I lashed out at her and cried, Tammy never gave up on me and she taught me that when someone or something comes from God, it is like a solid rock to stand on and trust.  I don't know how to thank someone for that kind of love but it does still exist and I am very blessed to have her as my friend.

I do not want to be responsible for misleading anyone who might come to my journal looking for hope.  I realize that my entry's have been sad and that I have much work left to do.  For that reason, I feel that I need to be silent and listen to the Lord for a while and continue this healing he is doing in me. 

To anyone who is reading this journal and finds these words, I encourage you to put your life in the Lords hands because he is not only able to make sense of it all and heal you, he will always willing.  The road to healing is a long and difficult road but it's worth it because God is ever present and right now, he holds me in the palms of his hands.

I've cried a million tears today but it's ok because it's only God's faithfulness to heal the broken heart.  When I feel that I am ready to continue this journal, I will come back and I will share my testimony with everyone to see.  In the meantime, you can reach me in Email if you would like.  I love to hear from you all and I am encouraged by your friendship and prayers.

To my friends who have prayed for me and who have been here so faithfully, thank you so much.  I believe you are all a gift from the Lord.  To my sweet Barbara P, you are such a blessing to me and help fill to void in my heart that I feel from my dear Aunt Harriet.  Always there to remind me how much she loves me, speaking the word of God in truth and always making me feel like I count.  I cherish you all.


To my friends and the people who consistently come and visit my journal, I have decided to stop my journal.  I want you to know that I appreciate the support and friendship of all of you who have taken the time to read what I have to say.  I just don't feel like my little space in J-Land has anything to offer any longer.

I realized something yesterday, I realized that I still have a very long and difficult road ahead of me.  The things that I thought that I had over come are still with me.  I still love this man that I wrote about, months ago when I first began my journal.  I can't change it and there is nothing I can do about it other than try to stay focused on the Lord and avoid this person at all cost.  It's a promise I made to the Lord and will keep.

I have not given up hope and I do trust the Lord with all my heart, I just feel that my participation in J-Land, is not something anyone needs or can't live without.

I will still keep you all in my prayers and continue to be a part of Sister's in Christ.  I will continue to keep my focus on the Lord and his word and strive to be that person God wants me to be.  I will always faithfully acknowledge that my hope is in the Lord and I am nothing without him, I just can no longer claim that I have over come the pain from my past or have he healing I thought was mine.

God is faithful though and I believe it with all my heart.  Maybe he has allowed me to see greater depths of my heart for more healing to take place, I'm not certain.  I just know that I feel like I have deceived others by claiming a healing that I obviously do not have and I am truly sorry.

I leave you all with Philippians 1:6  -- God is faithful to finish the good work he started in you until the day that the Lord comes back.  I do truly believe that.   God bless you all.  Remember to always pray for one another and love each other and look to God for all that you need.