Hello to all of my friends in Jland. As I continue my study in the old testament, I find myself pondering on what life would be like today if it were not for the son of God. I think about these ordinary men who God called to do great things and because of their disobedience and lack of focus on the Lord, their punishments were so extreme. I know in my personal walk with the Lord, there have been many times that I felt I could make my own choices and have all that I wanted and found myself crying out to the Lord to save me.
Even to this day I live with a broken heart because I allowed myself to love someone but was not in the will of God, so I lost the greatest love of my life. It was this loss that brought my complete focus back to Lord and his will for my life. Even though I find comfort in knowing that the Lord is with me, my comforter and companion, my hero, the pain is still here, with me every single day and some days are just a struggle to get through. I know that I can make it through because the Lord is with me and he will never let anything touch me that he does not allow. I know that one day there will be no more pain or suffering but the hard part is, getting to that point.
I know I have mentioned in my journal before, that I feel weary sometimes and I am sad. It just serves to show that even that Christian who loves the Lord endlessly, can cause themselves great pain when they step outside of obedience. This experience makes me want to be even more like Christ. It makes me want to be even more careful of the example I set, the choices I make and the people who's lives I touch everyday.
I struggled this week with a horrible infection that just came on me out of no where and made me very sick. That, along with the day to day struggles that we all face, makes me so very thankful that the Lord loves me and all I have to do is reach out to the Lord and he is with me.
I encourage you to remember how wonderful our Lord is and how very important it is to seek his will in everything that you do. I know that the closer I am to the Lord, the more I feel his tremendous sadness over the world today and how his children have stepped out of obedience and make their own choices. The Bible tells us that we reap what we sow.
I pray that we all can make a heart felt effort to sow good seeds and to glorify God in all that we do. I ask that you stop and say a prayer for me. The Lord is healing my heart but I still feel this man that I gave my heart too and I miss him greatly. I am simply a human being who has made mistakes but I do love the Lord with all my heart and soul and mind and I know that all things work together for good, for those who love the Lord and live according to his will. God bless.